BY Jenni Ruiza (@RuizaJenni)
(Credit: Brent Disney | Getty Images)
So, I wasn’t Catfished! But then again, given the fact that I’ve become an online dating connoisseur (not really), I know how to weed out the stolen selfies and model photos, versus those who are actually looking for their soul mate. But given my last editorial on how the hit MTV show ruined online dating for the world as we know it, or at least Americanos, I’ve learned a few things with some recent experiences that I wanted to share with you.
Know Your Worth! Without knowing how invaluable you are to yourself, it would simply be unfair to expect someone else, much less a possible candidate for a significant other, to appreciate all that you have to offer. Everything leads back to you and you are whom you attract. So sometimes, you really have to sit back and ask yourself: Why do I keep attracting these specific types of men? Are you exuding something that may be a mirror to what you receive? Case in point: if you are unhappy with how you look, then you’ll more than likely end up being with someone who is constantly testing what you wear, how much makeup you have on, and how high your damn heels should be! Online dating is meant for you to be on the prowl, so if you’re not entirely ready for it – don’t sign up.
Know What You’re Looking For! You can always tell what kind of person someone is by how little or how much they share on their profile. Sometimes, even a pick up line will tell you exactly what they’re looking for. Think of it as being at a bar with your friends – if a man comes up to you and immediately compliments your looks then he more than likely wants the P. And in the same respect, if a woman comes up to a man and grabs his waist…she wants the D. Translate everything you see online to a real life situation. At the end of the day, you’re online dating to get something in return, right? Figure out what that is, then learn how to be able to identify what those messages, chats, IMs, and whatever other virtual notes mean.
Be Careful Of The Messages You Send: The worst thing in the world is to give someone mixed signals. This goes both ways, ladies and gents! Recently, I met up with someone who seemed rather interesting (not really, I was just wasting my own time but I digress) and when we met up, not once did he ask me about my life. In fact, when I started to share a little bit – he interrupted me and said, “not to cut you off, but…” Needless to say, that ended before it even started (Plus, he managed to skip out on a coffee bill….you owe me $8.50, a-hole). The message he sent out was pretty clear: it’s all about me. You’ve got to ease into online dating. If you’re dropping your pants on the first date, you’re not looking for love – and if you’re trying too hard then it can give off the impression that you’re not being genuine. It’s important to just be yourself. If you’re not comfortable doing that with the person sitting across from you, then you need to move on because he/she ain’t it, honey! Whoever you’re with will bring out the best in you if they’re right for you.
There MUST be CHEMISTRY. The general idea is that because of all the time you’ve gotten to know one another without invaluable face time, you should be able to ease into the rest of what you normally would had you met that person face to face from the jump. BUT, here’s what’s insanely important and if you don’t remember anything else I ever write about, remember this: When you are meeting someone for the first time – your heart needs to skip a beat, your breath has to get a little short, and quite frankly, you better feel a little rain drop or two south of the border (yeah, I said it!). If you are not physically attracted to someone, despite their intelligence, their place in life, or their sense of humor – realistically speaking, that shit won’t last! You can’t force physical attraction either. I’m not even going to lie to you guys – my dating history if you take mugshots of each and every one of them – you might lose a little respect for me, but one thing I know for sure – if I’m not attracted to you, it’s not happening! And ladies…this one’s for you: don’t let a man distract you by their niceties and perhaps a perfect first date. Be honest with yourself. You should be asking the following questions, either in your mind or aloud: Can I see myself with him long term (or FOREVER)? Would I introduce him to my parents? Would my best friend get along with him? If you start to hesitate on all of these things – revisit it, boo. Because, your gut (aka – those uncertainties) never lies, which leads me to my final point:
Trust Your Gut. Despite whether or not you may have gotten fifty thousand opinions on your personal life, the only opinion that really matters is that of your own. One major thing I learned from these awkward and ridiculous experiences thus far has been that although I very much value the opinions of those closest to me, all of it is for naught until I make the final decision. But that also means, I need to pay attention to my gut. Dating is a learning experience for all parties involved and though some can be painful, others can be pretty funny after you share the stories with your friends, and others can really just be eye-openers. Sometimes your gut can be unclear and you just have to go with what you feel is right – which in turn can be wrong, but as long as you’re content and are treated well, go for it. The worst that’ll happen is that you’ll have a great story to share in the end.
Find out more about Bronx contributor, Jenni Ruiza, at http://www.jenniruiza.com/. Follow her on Twitter @RuizaJenni.
Check out: UPinion: Catfish Killed Online Dating
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